The latest rhyzotomies are a failure (it’s been seven
weeks--can you freaking believe they didn't work??!!). The post-burn stabbing pain nerve
freak out is still happening, although in the last ten days, I think I’ve found
a way to control it.
A few weeks ago, my doctor suggested I try a med called
Neurontin. It’s an anti-seizure that’s also used for nerve pain. I actually had
a huge bottle of it that my last doctor prescribed, but I’d never tried it
because of anecdotal reports of major weight gain.
But since the rhyzotmies, I’ve been in pretty significant
pain. Prednisone didn’t help, and neither did cortisone shots in my head and neck.
Zanaflex wasn’t doing much, and Percocet might as well have been Sweetarts. I
was so frustrated and also freaking out as I moved into the end of the semester
and finals and a massive grading load.
So I finally tried Neurontin. It worked right way. I still
have to take the preventative regiment of Zanaflex and Mobic (an arthritis med
I’ve taken since this all started). About once a day, a big nerve pain spike
breaks through and I take a Vicodin to get it down. I’m hoping as the rhyzotomied nerves
settle, I won’t have to take that anymore.
The last ten days have been amazing. I’ve been more social
than I’ve been in a year. I have been in a great mood. I have felt more optimistic
about pretty much everything in my life, which is a testament to how shitty
pain really is.
I talked to my doctor a few days ago, and he’s happy with
this med combo. He still thinks the rhyzotomies might work (hilarious). He wants me to call
again in a few weeks and check in. If I’m still in pain, he’ll start test-blocking
more levels, and try more rhyzotomies.
Except I think I’m done with that. I just can’t handle it. I’ve
done a lot of thinking and reckoning in the last few weeks, and I finally get
that this is just the way things are. I’m always going to have these headaches.
There is no magic fix. I have to learn to live with chronic pain. Doctors like the ones I've had are fix-it guys, not pain management guys. So I might have to find someone new.
It's actually been a relief to come to terms
with this. My life is no longer on hold. I get to lift up the pause and go back
to how things used to be and figure out what still works. The last week of social activity
was part of that—I just can’t isolate anymore. I have to see people. I have to
go to parties. I have to maintain the very awesome friendships I’ve been lucky
enough to develop over the years, because they just don’t stay alive by magic.
So I think this means meds for life. This is the hardest thing
to handle. Right now I take a f%^*-ton of pills—a Mobic in the morning, five
Neurontin three times a day, one Zanafex every four hours, and the aforementioned
narcotic when the pain jacks up in spite of this. I
have a pillbox in my purse. I sometimes have to take a pill in the middle of
class (Zanaflex is a demanding mistress—if I am 15 minutes late, the pain comes
on, and it’s impossible to get rid of. So I’ve taken to setting a freaking alarm
on my phone so I stay on top of it).
I never thought this would be my life, but when I think
about what so many other people go through, including headache sufferers who
can’t even find meds that work, I’m pretty lucky. So far the meds don’t have
side effects, just some cotton mouth with the Zanaflex, but that’s it. Zanaflex
is interesting, because when I first started it three years ago, it just
knocked me out. An hour after I took it, I’d have to take a nap. But now I
rarely feel any sedation at all, and I take many times that original dose. I’ve
researched these meds a lot, and that’s how Zanaflex works.
